When Regression Happens in Child Therapy: How to Support Parents, Your Client, and Yourself
We’ve all been there as therapists. You open a long email from a parent or answer an urgent phone call, and before you even finish reading or listening, you already feel that sinking feeling in your stomach. After weeks of progress, a panicked caregiver is telling you all the behaviors are back. Maybe they’re even worse than before.
The parent is scared, frustrated, and questioning whether therapy is working at all. These are the moments that can leave even experienced clinicians with other professionals who truly understand the complexity of this work. If that sounds familiar, you can learn more about the ways we support fellow therapists on our For Professionals page.
If you work in St. Louis and support children through play therapy, these moments can feel especially heavy. Many of us immediately start searching for answers. We reread books, listen to podcasts, and wonder if another therapist or another modality could do a better job.
Then the parent arrives, and suddenly you feel anxious, overwhelmed, and pressured to solve everything in 45 minutes. Sound familiar?
If so, you’re not alone. Whether you’re new to play therapy in St. Louis, Missouri or have worked with children and families for years, client regression can bring up doubt an imposter syndrome for even the most experienced clinicians.
First, Let Yourself Feel It
Before you jump into problem-solving mode, pause long enough to notice what is happening inside of you.
It’s okay to feel frustrated, disappointed, worried, or sad when a child regresses. Those feelings don’t mean they or you are failing. In fact, allowing yourself to experience these feelings can help you better connect with the caregiver and child.
This is one of those moments where parallel process shows up clearly. The parent is likely feeling panicked, helpless, and afraid they did something wrong. As therapists, we often feel many of these same emotions at the exact same time.
Instead of running from those feelings, we can use them to deepen our understanding of the family’s experience.
The Parent Is Probably Carrying Shame Too
Many parents tell themselves a story when regression happens:
“We are back to square one.”
“I must be doing something wrong.”
“Therapy is not helping.”
“Maybe my child is beyond help.”
When we recognize the fear underneath their words, we can respond with compassion instead of defensiveness. This is especially important in play therapy work because parents often need regulation and connection just as much as their child does.
Your Regulation Matters More Than Perfect Answers
Once you have grounded yourself, remind yourself of something important: regression is normal!
Therapy isn’t a straight line. Especially in child-centered and attachment-based play therapy, progress often comes with ups and downs. Children move in and out of regulation for many reasons, and setbacks are part of the process.
In our own work with families in St. Louis, we have seen this happen in many cases. And honestly, the sessions where we show up frantic and overprepared rarely go well. When we rush into problem-solving mode, we often miss the bigger picture. Parents usually do not need a long list of interventions right away. They need someone who can:
Stay calm
Help them feel understood
Make sense of what is happening
Hold hope when they cannot find it themselves
Regulation Invites Regulation
Children borrow regulation from caregivers. Caregivers borrow regulation from us.
That’s why your nervous system matters so much in these moments. When you show up grounded, calm, and steady, you create safety for the parent. From there, the parent is more able to create safety for their child.
This is one of the most powerful parts of play therapy and parent support work. We’re not just teaching strategies. We’re modeling co-regulation and connection in real time.
Validate the Parents Experience
Validation is often an underrated but powerful intervention. Parents need to feel seen before they can fully take in education or support. If they feel judged or dismissed, they may become more anxious or defensive.
Sometimes it helps to simply be human with them.
A small amount of thoughtful self-disclosure can help normalize their experience. You might gently share that regression is common in child therapy or that many families experience similar setbacks during stressful seasons.
That reminder alone can lower shame and panic.
Explore What Is Coming Up for the Parent
This is also a valuable time to get curious about the caregiver’s internal experience. Ask yourself:
What fears are being activated?
Are old wounds or core beliefs showing up?
Do they feel like they’re failing as a parent?
Are they afraid things will never improve?
When parents are dysregulated, it becomes much harder for them to extend regulation and safety to their child. Supporting the parent emotionally is not separate from supporting the child. It’s deeply connected!
As play therapists in St. Louis, we often focus heavily on the child’s nervous system, but caregiver regulation is just as important. Hold space for the parent’s feelings while also holding hope for them. Sometimes they temporarily lose sight of progress, and we can help them reconnect with it.
Help Parents Understand Regression
One of the most supportive things we can do is help parents reframe regression.
When behaviors suddenly increase, many parents feel taken by surprise. They may tell themselves that all progress is gone. But regression doesn’t usually mean a child has lost their skills completely.
More often, it means something is getting in the way of the child accessing those skills consistently.
That’s a very different story.
Regression is Information
Regression is usually connected to something internal or external happening in the child’s world. Instead of viewing it as a failure, we can help parents see regression as communication.
Some common areas to explore:
Changes in routine
School transitions (you might be interested in Why Does My Child Have Tantrums After School?)
Family stress
Illness
Travel
Sleep disruptions
Increased parental stress
Separation from caregivers
Conflict at home
Seasonal changes
Academic pressure
What feels small to an adult can feel deeply destabilizing for a child. For example, returning to school after a long break may overwhelm a child’s nervous system. A parent working longer hours may create feelings of uncertainty or disconnection. Even positive changes can create stress responses in children!
The Skills Are Still There
One of the most reassuring things we can tell parents is this: We’re not back at zero.
The child’s skills are still present. Right now, there’s simply a barrier making it harder to access them consistently.
That distinction matters.
When parents understand regression through a nervous system lens instead of a failure lens, they often become more compassionate and effective in how they respond.
Move From “Why” to “How”
Once you and the caregivers better understand what may be contributing to the regression, you can begin creating a support plan together.
This is where interventions become much more effective because they are connected to understanding instead of panic.
You might explore questions like:
Does this child need more connection right now?
Do they need more predictability and structure?
Would regulating movement help?
Are their sensory needs not being met?
Do parents need support co-regulating during difficult moments?
Is the child carrying stress they cannot yet express verbally?
When families understand the why, they are much more open to the how. And importantly, interventions tend to work better when caregivers feel emotionally supported and invested.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re a therapist experiencing self-doubt during client regression, you’re not alone. These moments are hard because we care deeply about these children and families we serve.
But regression does not mean therapy is failing.
Often, it means the child’s nervous system is asking for more support, connection, and understanding.
As providers of play therapy in St. Louis, we have the opportunity to support not only the child but the entire family system through these challenging moments.
And sometimes the most healing thing we can offer is not the perfect intervention. It’s our calm presence, our understanding, and our ability to help families hold onto hope.
If you’re looking for additional support, we’d love to connect with you in one of our upcoming play therapy trainings in St. Louis or via a consultation with Jasmine Berger, child and family therapist and Founder of Bud to Bloom Play Therapy.
Meet the Author: Jasmine Berger, LCSW and Registered Play Therapist-Supervisor
As the founder of Bud to Bloom Play Therapy, Jasmine is passionate about supporting other play therapists. She’s open to case consultation, clarifying the RPT process, and more!
