How do I Support My Child Through Thoughts about Suicide or Self-harm?
As a parent, you know that children can regularly have big feelings. In addition to the everyday experiences that might trigger big feelings, a child or teen may also experience something stressful or traumatic that can make these emotions even harder for them to regulate and understand. When this happens, it’s normal for their brains to seek activities, thought processes, and behaviors to cope with these feelings. However, sometimes they may find a coping behavior that is unhealthy or harmful for their well-being. Let’s look deeper at some potential behaviors to look for, healthier activities and behaviors to better support your kiddo, and how play therapy can help both your child and you.
Listen for Self-talk: How Does Your Kid Speak to/about Themselves?
Self-esteem refers to your child’s confidence in their worth and skills. Developing and maintaining a strong sense of self-esteem is an essential task of raising confident, secure, healthy children and teens. If your child is struggling with their self-esteem due to bullying, social challenges, academic difficulties, or other stimuli, it can really start to affect the way that they talk to others and themselves.
You may notice that your child is dismissive of compliments. They might be extra harsh to themselves when they make small mistakes. Your daughter might hide her artwork, unwilling to let anyone see her less-than-perfect creations. In play, your kiddo might act out these feelings through constantly fighting a mean villain or playing as someone who always loses. Self-esteem challenges can sometimes be obvious, and other times, there may be more subtle signs your kiddo is struggling with their self-image. Over time, unsupported self-esteem challenges can escalate into bigger behaviors, so recognizing the signs and supporting your child early is essential for healthy self-development.
To help at home, try and set aside time for just you and that child, centered around their interests. In this engaged time together, focus on positive talk — reinforcing your child’s positive qualities, skills, and behaviors. Provide opportunities for your child to build self-esteem, such as building more independence via dressing themselves, cleaning their toys, or choosing healthy meals.
Is my Child Self-Harming?
Sometimes when children are having a hard time regulating their emotions, they may hit, scratch, or otherwise hurt their bodies. As a parent, you may be wondering, is this a normal part of fits and tantrums? You may question when this behavior is considered self-harm, or when it’s serious enough to get more involved support.
First, it’s important to consider context. What typically leads to these behaviors? Are there similar triggers or situations beforehand? What typically helps bring your child back to a calmer state? For some children, these physical behaviors might be triggered by sensory overwhelm or overstimulation. What’s helpful for these behaviors might not be helpful for self-harm triggered by low self-esteem or emotional distress. Seeking evaluation from a therapist or mental health professional may be helpful in clarifying the root causes, and thus in determining what would be the biggest help to your kiddo.
No matter the cause of the self-harming behavior, it’s important for your child to know that they are not bad, in trouble, or going to receive punishments when they do these actions. Shame often reinforces self-harming behaviors, so we always want to combat shame with compassion and curiosity.
If your child is self-harming, we recommend finding sensory-seeking activities to replace the current behaviors. Physical stimulation is a great way to calm the body and brain. Here is a list of some great alternatives to give them!
Tearing sheets of paper
Crushing old egg cartons
Playing music and dancing
Yoga
Ouchie sensory/stimming toys
Deep breathing exercises
How do I know if my Child is Having Suicidal Thoughts?
Children experience suicidal thoughts differently from adults. They often do not yet understand the concept of death, so they rarely communicate a desire to die in direct, exact terms. They are more likely to say they want to run away or “sleep forever.” They might display a lack of interest in activities they usually enjoy. Or, they might start to struggle with impulse control.
Due to the serious implications of suicidal ideation, it is important to find support sooner rather than later if you notice behaviors escalating. Mental health professionals can assist in evaluating and determining what’s happening for your kiddo, and they can collaborate with you to determine what’s needed to keep your child safe. If it’s determined that your child is experiencing suicidal or self-harming thoughts or behaviors, a therapist can support with a safety plan. Safety plans help identify the triggers and signs of these ideas and behaviors, and list people, places, and activities to use to cope. Additionally, play therapists can help explore the feelings and experiences contributing to suicidal ideation, self-harm, or negative self-talk through play in a safe environment.
How can Therapy Help Your Child with Self-harming Behaviors?
Nobody should go through these hard feelings alone. If you suspect your child is experiencing negative self-talk, self-harm, or suicidal ideation, please reach out to a mental health specialist for guidance and support. Your child’s therapist can help assess the situation through a clinical lens, provide an interpretation of the core challenges your child is facing, and propose treatments to support your goals. Please remember, this will be a collaborative process, and being kind, understanding, and supportive to your child and yourself is essential when navigating big stress.
If you are looking for resources, referrals, or guidance through this time, we’re here to help! Our Client Care team would be honored to hear more about your situation and connect you with other resources or our services.
If your child is in crisis and needs immediate support you can also call Behavioral Health Response at 314.469.6644, or 911. If you or someone else you know is in crisis and in need of immediate support, please reach out to 988 for support and more information about services.