“We Can’t Just Game-ify Everything!”
Why a Playful Parenting Style Works
(Even When It Feels Hard)
I hear it at least once a week in my office:
‘Ms. Jasmine, we can’t just make everything a game! They’ll never learn!’
Trust me, you are not alone in this thought.
The idea of using play and connection in parenting can feel completely backwards from what many of us were taught. For a lot of parents, play therapy and the philosophy behind it can be a BIG paradigm shift.
We grew up with messages like:
“Good behavior should be rewarded.”
“Bad behavior should be punished.”
“Kids need to learn the hard way.”
“They should listen because I said so.”
So when I start talking about adding play, joy, and connection into your parenting approach, it can feel… well, uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
But here’s what I want you to know: playful parenting isn’t about spoiling your child or letting them “get away” with things. It’s about helping them build the skills they don’t yet have while allowing them to feel seen, safe, and supported.
Let’s talk about what this really means.
A Paradigm Shift: From Control to Curiosity
In our office, we view behavior as communication, not as something to be punished or extinguished (yes we do want a decrease, we’ll get to that later.) Every behavior is a clue or a message from your child about what they need but might not yet have words to express. Behavior is something to be understood, and if we want behavior change that lasts, we must first understand it.
When we respond to behavior with curiosity instead of control, something powerful happens:
Your child feels seen and understood. This builds secure attachment—the foundation for emotional regulation and trust.
You can meet needs preventatively. When you understand what’s driving the behavior, you can often respond to early cues before it escalates into a full-blown meltdown. This means less meltdowns for you, and more chances for your child to not only learn their body’s cues and what they need when their body begins to escalate, but also for more co-regulation and comfort with you.
You both experience more success. Instead of riding the wave of a “level 10” meltdown, you’re catching it at a “level 5” and helping your child return to calm before things spiral. This will leave both you and your child feeling more competent and confident in these tough moments, and less likely to get caught up in the shame spiral that often comes with big behaviors.
Yes, this approach is different. And yes, it can feel counterintuitive, especially if your own childhood taught you that emotions should be managed through discipline rather than understanding.
But once you begin to see behavior as communication, it changes everything.
Why Play Feels Counterintuitive (and Why It Works Anyway)
I know what some parents are thinking: “If I make everything fun, won’t my child think life is a game?”
It’s a fair question, with your child’s long-term success in mind.
But here’s the reframe: play is regulating and connective, two things your child needs to thrive and grow!
Play is how children naturally learn, process the world, and connect with others. When we bring play into parenting, we’re not avoiding the hard things; we’re meeting the child where they are developmentally and helping them build new skills step by step.
Let me show you an example.
Example 1: The Messy Room Dilemma
Say your child struggles to clean their room. You’ve asked five times, you’ve offered rewards, you’ve taken things away… and still, nothing changes. Sound familiar?
It’s tempting to see this as defiance, but often, it’s about skills!
Maybe your child doesn’t yet know how to break the task into steps. Maybe they get overwhelmed by where to start. Or, maybe executive functioning (organization, focus, task initiation) is simply harder for them (I’m looking at you, parents of neurodivergent children).
So instead of repeating the same request (and getting the same result), try scaffolding the task through connection and play.
Here’s what that might look like:
Break it down: “Let’s start by picking up just the clothes! Then we’ll tackle the toys.”
Add a playful element: “Can you surprise me by how fast you can pick up the blue toys?” or “Let’s see if you can beat the timer!”
Co-regulate: Stay nearby at first. Your calm presence helps keep their nervous system steady and ready to complete the task.
Does it take longer to accomplish the goal at first? Probably. But it might also save time and energy, resulting in a completed task instead of frustration and a screaming match. Does it feel silly? Maybe. But over time, you’re helping your child experience success, which builds confidence and mastery.
And that success makes it more likely they’ll be able to clean their room independently later without the struggle or shame AND without so much gamification of the task.
Example 2: The Morning Rush
Another common struggle I hear from parents: mornings. Getting out the door can feel like a battle every single day.
What if you added a moment of connection or play into your morning routine?
Race your child to see who can get dressed first.
Sing a silly “morning song” together.
For a child who struggles with transitions or mornings, these small bits of play aren’t rewards, they’re regulation tools. They are small moments of connection and closeness that can help bring the child’s “learning brain” back online so they can handle the morning tasks that may feel challenging.
The Science Behind It
When a child is dysregulated (overwhelmed, anxious, or angry), the “thinking part” of their brain, responsible for logic and self-control, goes offline. No amount of reasoning or lecturing will work until that system calms down.
Play, joy, and connection activate safety and regulation in the brain. They tell your child’s nervous system: You’re safe. You’re loved. You can handle this.
Once your child feels safe again, they’re more capable of listening, problem-solving, and learning new skills.
That’s the magic of playful parenting, it doesn’t avoid hard moments; it helps your child handle them successfully!
“But What If They Expect Everything to Be Fun?”
You don’t have to make everything fun.
Let’s be real, parenting is exhausting. Some days, your energy tank is empty, and you just don’t have it in you to turn brushing teeth into a cute song and dance.
That’s okay. There is no shame in recognizing your low energy and your own needs at the moment.
Playful parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about using connection and joy when you can and realistic expectations and self compassion when you can’t.
Also let's be real—while we don't want children to expect everything to be “fun” or a game, we as adults often need a little reward/treat to increase our motivation for a tough task, too.
Think of it like this: You don’t get coffee every time you do a hard task (though wouldn’t that be nice?). But sometimes, that little reward or comfort makes it easier to get through a tough morning.
Our kids are the same way. When something feels hard, or it's a tricky time of year with extra transitions, pairing it with play, connection, or comfort helps them stay engaged long enough to build the skill and complete the task, even when it's hard. And that’s what we ultimately want.
Meeting Kids Where They Are (and Building from There)
When we meet kids where they are, we’re giving them a foundation to grow from.
Playful parenting helps children:
Feel safe and seen, which supports emotional regulation
Build confidence and self-esteem by experiencing success
Develop problem-solving and executive functioning skills through supported practice
Learn that hard things can be manageable, not scary
And it helps parents, too. It takes you out of constant conflict and puts you in a partnership with your child, working with them instead of against them.
A Gentle Reminder
This approach can feel hard at first, especially if it’s new. It might challenge some of your own beliefs about discipline and learning.
But remember: playful parenting isn’t permissive parenting. It’s responsive, connected parenting. It’s about seeing the need behind your child’s behavior and teaching from a place of connection instead of correction.
And the truth is, connection is the most powerful teaching tool you have, AND there is still room for limits and boundaries when needed. We have a FREE LIMIT SETTING GUIDE you can download to learn more about what it looks like to remain connected while holding a limit.
From Bud to Bloom Play Therapy
At Bud to Bloom, we know that parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when your child’s behaviors don’t make sense or traditional strategies aren’t working.
Through play therapy and parent consultation, we help families understand what’s driving behavior, build connection, and develop playful, practical strategies that actually work. If you are needing a bit more support with this we’re here to help! Learn more about play therapy services here.
You don’t have to “game-ify” everything, but when you bring a little more play and a lot more understanding into your parenting, you help your child bloom into their best self.
