Handling The Holiday Chaos with Your Littles
It’s that time of year again, the holiday season is in full swing. You’ve made it through Halloween and the sugar highs (and lows) that came with it. But coming up next are the sweet and sometimes chaotic winter holidays, which often bring extra family time, disrupted routines, and let’s face it, a whole lot of pressure.
Before we dive in, I want to say something I find myself saying often to parents in my office: you are not alone. You are not abnormal for having mixed emotions about the holiday!
Every year, I hear from parents who feel a mix of emotions about the holidays. There’s excitement about seeing loved ones, time off work, and good food, but also anxiety about how their child will handle all the changes. Let’s face it, while a week off sounds dreamy, a full week home with your little, with the added chaos of holidays can be daunting! You might find yourself wondering, “Will this be a joyful family gathering… or a total meltdown?”
The truth is, for many kids (and adults!), the holidays can bring an extra dose of dysregulation. There are new sights, smells, people, and places, often with no real schedule or predictability. That’s a lot for any nervous system to handle, especially for children who have a sensitized nervous system, or a hard time with transitions.
So if you’re already feeling a little overwhelmed, take a breath. You don’t need to make the holidays perfect. My hope is that these reflections and tips help you keep your cool, support your child, and maybe even enjoy some of the moments along the way.
1. Start with Reasonable Expectations
Let’s be honest: the holidays rarely go perfectly. And that’s okay.
For all the reasons above, changes in routine, sensory overload, social pressure, your child (and your family) may have a harder time during this season. The most important step toward finding some peace is accepting that your holiday season might look different than the picture-perfect version you see online.
Now, I'm not saying to lose all hope (that would not be a very jolly blog) , this isn’t about lessening your joy. It’s about making space for a more realistic, less pressured joy and fun!
Here’s what that might look like in practice:
Instead of hoping your child will try every dish on the table, expect that they may not want to try anything new.
Instead of expecting your child to stay cheerful through every gathering, recognize that overstimulation and sleepiness might show up. In my family we call the weird time at night where kids start to lose it the witching hour and this allows us to stay light and playful about something that feels chaotic and loud.
When we can let go of “shoulds” (“They should be polite,” “They should sit still,” “They should love Grandma’s stuffing”), we open the door to more genuine connection and less frustration.
Remember: your child doesn’t need a perfect holiday, what they need is you! A regulating and connecting presence who understands them.
2. Predict and Plan for Your Child’s Needs
Once you’ve adjusted your expectations, you can make a game plan for success. This doesn’t mean over-scheduling or micromanaging; it means thinking ahead about what might help your child stay regulated and supported. It also means thinking about how you may respond and care for yourself in the tougher moments.
Here are a few ways to plan thoughtfully for your child’s needs:
Build in Breaks
If your child is easily overstimulated, plan for quiet moments throughout the day. Things for you to consider:
Is there a quiet room or space they can retreat to when things get too noisy?
Can you bring along comfort items headphones, a favorite blanket, a small toy to help them regulate?
Does your child calm better alone or with your presence nearby?
Proactive breaks can prevent meltdowns and give everyone a moment to reset.
PRO TIP: in the midst of a holiday meltdown is not the time to teach a new skill. Skills are meant to be taught in moments of calm when the child's brain is open to learning. So if your child is having a hard time and you offer a break, allow them just to take the break without a teaching moment. I promise that can come later and can be even more meaningful when the child is regulated.
Don’t Forget About Hunger
If your child is a picky eater (or just a creature of habit), a holiday meal full of unfamiliar foods can be stressful. The last thing anyone wants is a hangry child. Some things you may try:
Let your child have a familiar meal or snack before big gatherings.
Bring along some safe snacks just in case.
Remind yourself—it’s okay if your child doesn’t eat the fancy food. What matters most is that they feel safe and cared for.
Communicate with Family
One of the biggest sources of stress for parents isn’t always the child, it’s the commentary from well-meaning relatives.
You know the ones: “In my day, we didn’t let kids talk like that!” or “Can’t they just behave?”
This year, consider letting your family know your plan in advance. You might say:
“Hey everyone, just so you know, when Jimmy gets overwhelmed, we’ve found that it helps if I take him to a quiet room for a bit. I’ve got it handled, so no need to worry.”
This gentle heads-up can go a long way in helping you stay confident and reducing the pressure to respond a certain way in front of others.
You know your child best. And it’s okay to advocate for what works for them!
3 . Practice Self-Compassion
Here’s the truth: even with the best intentions, things might still go sideways. Plans fall apart. Someone gets sick. Your child melts down in front of everyone. You forget the snacks. You lose your patience.
It’s okay.
The holidays are hard for kids AND parents. You’re juggling emotions, expectations, and probably a to-do list that feels endless. Practicing self-compassion is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your child this season.
Self-compassion sounds like:
“This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
“I’m allowed to be tired and still be a good parent.”
“I can repair after I lose my cool. My child doesn’t need perfection, they need connection.”
When we offer ourselves the same kindness we try to give our kids, we model emotional regulation in the most powerful way.
You might even ask yourself:
“What do I need to feel supported this holiday season?”
Maybe it’s saying no to an event. Maybe it’s taking a quiet walk alone. Maybe it’s lowering your expectations about the meal or the house or the matching pajamas.
Whatever it is, remember your needs matter too.
4 . Focus on What Really Matters
At the end of the day, your child won’t remember whether the gifts were perfectly wrapped or the dinner was Pinterest-worthy. They’ll remember how it felt, how safe, loved, and connected they were.
So if things start to unravel this holiday season, take a moment to ground yourself. Take a deep breath. Offer a smile to your child. Step away if you need to.
You are teaching them something much more valuable than holiday etiquette. You’re showing them that when things get overwhelming, they can pause, reconnect, and keep going.
A Gentle Reminder from Bud to Bloom
The holidays can bring both joy and challenge. If you or your child need extra support navigating this season or if you’re noticing that stress or big behaviors are lasting beyond it our team at Bud to Bloom Play Therapy is here to help.
Play therapy offers children a safe space to express emotions, build coping skills, and strengthen connection with caregivers. Sometimes, a little extra support can make all the difference in helping your family find balance again.
You’re doing enough. You are enough.
Happy Holidays from the Bud to Bloom Team
